The Radge Curt

So, I've just spent the last 15 minutes f-locking Cruel on pointed_epigram -- by the way, since I've had to lock it there, I thought it might be prudent that I f-lock it on my own journal.

It makes me want to cry.

I hate to realise that the best story I've ever written, the first fic of length I finished, "my little masterpiece" would be the biggest reason I would get struck-through and TOS'ed.

All because I wanted to be Curt Wild in a story. Wanted to convey him as real as I could through words.

...*sighs*...*wipes eyes*...*goes off to finish f-locking Cruel on my own journal*

Off the main subject of today, I'm coming to like my new journal style. Like a Domino kinda thing with Young Adam in the background. Writing acid trip. Wow.

On to the main dilemma:

I've think I have lost like every fanfic I've ever written. Some of them are retrievable (Cruel, For the Sake of Honour, Embers Before Me, Mates) but the rest...there were like eight. And I only have bits and pieces of most of them. What sucks more is that really, the only stories I had had on that disk that survived unscathed were the two I am writing with Davis. Which hurts. I mean, not only are those stories doing better than anything I've ever written, they're the only stories I'm not going to have to do a ton of work to try and retrieve. 

I did start writing a Blue Juice AU kinda story 'cos I severely needed to hurt a character -- what better one than Dean, y'know? I'll probably post it here later on.....